time for respite

The need for respite care is something that appears OVER and OVER, on all the caregiver sites, as being crucial. I personally was not ready to pay too much attention to that advice when I first moved in with my mother a year ago. First the physical and mental changes in her were so dramatic that I couldn't imagine thinking about anything BUT her. The first few months of watching her every step, controlling her diet, dealing with her memory loss, calling 911 left my head spinning. I DIDN'T want to join a chat or compare notes. I didn't want help because I was convinced I didn't need help. I certainly didn't want to leave her to someone else's care to take time for respite. I was convinced that I was essential to her well-being.

Then her health started to improve. Of course. As any health care person can tell you, the better the person is cared for, generally the more he or she will thrive. All of a sudden I realized that we were no longer in an "emergency" situation. My constant physical presence was no long really crucial. My mother was even able to move back to her room instead of the guestroom next to mine. I finally realized that I was in this for the long run. The person who now needed help was me. The notion of finding "time for respite" started to make sense. Caregiving is an incredible balance of self-abnegation and self-recognition. It is essential that the caregiver be aware of what he or she can or is willing to do. Many caregivers have family members or friends who are willing to take over the care duties for a time so that the caregiver can become his/herself for a while, take a little time for respite. For others, things are a little more difficult.

Our own family is so spread out that I find myself totally alone for the day-to-day care. I have great support from my family through the phone and e-mails, but that doesn't really help me be me. I needed respite, so back to the Web! I think the main source of information was www.eldercare.gov. More than just the respite issue, this site addresses many other aspects of taking care of a senior. It also allows you to discover what is available in advice and assistance in your area. Attending caregiver training sessions allows you to see that you are not alone... and that your situation is far from the worst!!