The 36-Hour Day, a great guide to dementia

A year ago when I moved in with my mother, along with her serious problems of memory loss, I noticed that my mother was acting in strange, manic ways. During the day, she would communicate by monosyllables and appear unaware of anything around us, then at night, she would spend hours looking for the keys to the cars, checking her checkbooks, looking for her dogs (and cats!?! - she was in her 20's and living at home the last time she had a cat). A friend, whose mother had had to care for her husband during his years with Alzheimer's, gave me a wonderful book, The 36-Hour Day, a must in any senior supplies list.

It is not very "cheerful" reading, but I think that anyone in my situation is more interested in the truth and some solid advice and explanations than just positive, feel-good thinking. Rather than a personal history of one family's dealings with dementia, The 36-Hour Day is a clinical study of all the different aspects of this disease. The emphasis is on allowing the care-givers and family to understand what the situation is at any given moment and to prepare them for what is waiting for them down the road a bit. It is extremely complete and although I had thought that my mother was suffering only from memory loss, I quickly realized that she was not in the "incipient" stage of dementia. She has made progress from where she was, maybe even thanks to her stroke, but the smallest degree of stress causes her phobias to re-surface.

Thanks to the clarity of The 36-Hour Day, I know that these past few months of improvement are truly miraculous and to be enjoyed to the fullest, without fooling myself into believing that she is cured. We are starting to be able dredge things up from her long-term memory, but there has been no improvement in her short-term memory which is what you need for day-to-day life. I have gotten used to her being able to do crossword puzzles and even cryptograms, but be terrified of letting the dogs out in the yard for fear that they will somehow "disappear"(crocodiles, thieves, malicious neighbours, etc.).

I obviously highly recommend The 36-Hour Day, to be read in parts as they apply to your present situation and needs, or as a whole book which is what I did since I knew nothing about the situation I had gotten myself into and wanted to know how things would probably develop. It is also a well-recognized book in that it is often given as a door-prize at conferences dealing with seniors and dementia. Lucky winners!

Walking canes

When I first saw my mother hobbling towards me on two unmatched walking canes, I realized that her physical condition was now no better than her mental one. Two months earlier, she had been as physically well as always and I had had a hard time convincing her that it was time for me to move in with her. There was no way to explain to her that she had totally lost her short term memory and that living alone was not a good idea. That was a year ago, I have been here since.

The proof that it was the right time, was right in front of my eyes: not only could she barely walk, but she had lost 25 lbs. Even her two bassetts were looking slim and trim!!! Since everyone had been a bit overweight two months earlier, the present status was not dramatic. The how-it-had-happened definitely was though. I was glad that I was moving in.

The walking canes were an issue. The two she had were left over from a hip replacement years earlier, and neither at the appropriate height since she has really shrunk with age (she is 88). Even though walking canes are not that expensive, I wanted to check out Medicare, to start getting a feel for what is covered for senior supplies since things are not really going to improve. The site is quite easy to use, you don't need an ID number, just type in the state you are in and scroll down to the medical equipment you need, in this case "Canes and Crutches". The information though, is pretty much limited to yes/no and skips many of the restrictions. See below:

Walking canes (and crutches) ARE covered by Medicare (although for some reason, the white canes for the blind are not). BUT, only one cane is offered and it has to last you 5 years. The metal ones are nice with funky colors which make them easy to see and recognize (in a reunion of seniors, for example). They are also easy to adjust for "shrinkage". Unfortunately for us, my mother, in her present state of incipient dementia, would forget where she had left her canes and even that she actually used walking canes at all. Sometimes too, she used only one, so that the pair would get separated.

In those days, just getting my mother to leave the house was a major effort so that having to run around the house looking for her canes at the last minute was not really fun. I finally just went to the nearest Dollar store where they have canes for the proverbial dollar. I think they are bamboo and it was easy to saw them down to the appropriate height. The rubber tips wear down fairly quickly but I was able to replace them easily at Walmart which does have its own line of moderately priced canes. I also later found them on Amazon which was handy since it isn't always easy to go out shopping. We now have a half a dozen of these canes lurking around the house. Unfortunately, her physical health has deteriorated, so she is down to using a walker which I will talk about later.